Why The Adult Film Industry Absolutely Sucks And Is A Bad Sex-Education For Most Men

You might think the title of this article sounds a little extreme, but it’s not.

Allow me to explain…

I’m a firm believer that a man’s greatest pleasure in life is to totally SEXUALLY SATISFY his woman in the bedroom.

You know what I’m saying, right?

Giving your woman mind-blowing, earth-shattering SEXUAL PLEASURE beyond her wildest dreams — that makes you feel pretty good.

And that’s where the ‘adult film industry’ falls flat on it’s face most of the time.

You see, most porn is made for a male audience and it just shows female porn stars usually being quite roughly ‘screwed’ by male porn stars.

Now I’m not against rough sex.

In fact, it’s my experience and that of my clients that most women like the sex to be a little rough most of the time.

But there’s another thing women also like during sex — ORGASMS.

And this is why I say that porn movies are a bad education for men because the women on screen rarely seem to have an orgasm!

I believe that as a society our social skills are becoming worse with time. People are resorting to communicating with friends by electronic means (Facebook, Twitter etc) and we are forgetting how to communicate in ‘real life’.

This is leading to a lot of single people.

And what do single men tend to do a lot of?

You got it — watch porn.

So they see women having sex and getting roughed up, but they don’t see a lot of orgasms. And that’s a very bad thing because when these guys eventually get a woman — they don’t know what the hell they are doing in bed.

Here’s a pretty interesting FACT:

– 50% of women have CHEATED and most of them did so to GET BETTER SEX

And by better sex, you can read — GET MORE ORGASMS.

With all that said, I should just clarify that I’m not a ‘porn hater’. In fact, I’ve found some women I’ve dated enjoy porn. But they are very specific about what kind of porn movies they like to watch.

Usually it’s the ones with a bit of a believable story line and the ones where the women look like they are ENJOYING IT, read — having orgasms.

Women do not like to watch the run of the mill, ‘bang, bang, bang’, all about the male actor type porn.

So, what’s the bottom line?

Well, if you are single right now — spend more time off your computer, interacting with real people and don’t use porn as your sex-education tool.

If you are in a relationship, be very careful about what type of porn you get your woman to watch with you (if you do that kind of thing).

Above all else, whatever your current relationship status — remember to give women incredible pleasure and wild screaming orgasms in the bedroom. Do that and you’ll be doing better than 90% of the men out there.

 

Seems that VR Porn is finally going mainstream and so are vr porn tube. VRLaid.com seems to be leading the curve with its fully streamable in-browser content.

Looking At Porn Together – The Subject, Not The Pictures

The first Playboy magazine was published in 1953. This baby-boomer would have been seven years old at the time. In the past six decades, that magazine and several other pornographic magazines have gained respectability in much of our culture. They can be easily found in most cities and adult bookstores along our interstate highways. Today, Playboy magazine represents some of the mildest porn on the street. Other print magazines and online sources graphically depict men and women engaged in all kinds of sex acts – heterosexual, homosexual, even sex with children and animals.

In addition to the growing prevalence of this print genre, movie makers have increased nudity and graphic sex scenes in their work in recent decades. Thus, today many of us go to R-rated movies with gratuitous, graphic sex scenes and accept it as normal adult entertainment. Besides the relatively tame stuff you might see in the theater, a multitude of X-rated videos and DVD’s are created and made available for sale or rent throughout our world.

Now, maybe you do not struggle with temptations to get or look at pornographic material. Maybe you would never have any of it in your home – purposely. But, if you have a computer in your home, you at least have the potential of porn in your home. Though porn may have little or no ability to tempt you, that may not be true for everyone in your home.

When I work with adult men who are struggling with porn or other sexual-sin issues, they typically tell me about encountering porn the first time back in high school, junior high, and even in elementary school. A friend’s dad or big brother may have had a stash of magazines or videos which would often be explored after school, before any adults came home. Sometimes, it was their own dad’s or their own older brother’s stash. And sometimes that stash was not even hidden. According to safefamilies.org, the average age of a boy’s first exposure to porn today is 11. That is the average age. That means that many boys are introduced to that shameful world much earlier than 11.

The advent of floppy discs, CD’s, DVD’s and flash drives has made porn quite concealable and portable. Your teenager could be carrying around the equivalent of a stack of smut magazines in his pocket or backpack. The prevalence of smartphones possessed by youths in recent years puts all manner of pornographic material right at hand. These things make temptations to look too great to resist for many young people.

Pornography is a huge problem. It is probably a greater problem than you realize.

Dr. Mark Laaser is a respected expert in sexual addictions. Recently I listened to an interview of Dr. Laaser in which he addressed the subject of porn addiction. In the discussion, he identified three “A’s” that accelerate the addictive potential of porn among males. They are: Accessibility, Anonymity, and Affordability. Pornography is quite accessible, especially with Internet access. Not only is it easily accessed, it can be accessed with total anonymity. It can be easily hidden, kept as a dark secret of one’s life for years. Finally, it is quite affordable, even free via many sources on the Internet.

Surely we can all appreciate how erotic pictures are exciting to the male eye. When we add to this natural factor the easy accessibility in our world, the ability to access porn without anyone knowing, and the little or no cost involved, we can see how many men could easily become hooked on porn. The natural titillation of erotic pictures and their easy accessibility is only part of the story.

Another major reason porn is so strongly attractive to males is sometimes missed. Here it is: Porn entails no relational load for a man. The women who excite a man with their erotic pictures have no relational expectations. She doesn’t care if he comes home on time, or at all. He can leave her in that secret place for days, weeks, months; and when he finally comes to see her again, she is as excited to entertain as the first time they met. She doesn’t care if he looks at other women; in fact, she expects that. She does not expect to be understood, supported, or pleased in any way. She is quite content to have contributed to his happiness. That is what I mean by “no relational load.” This is very desirable to many men.

A relationship with a real person, however, carries a substantial relational load. A wife has her own desires, her own needs. And most of these are not sexual in nature. A healthy woman does not want to be merely used as an object of sexual lust; she wants to be loved, cherished. She wants a life partner, not just a sex partner. If she is not treated with kindness and consideration, she will have trouble relating with her man in any way. She has expectations (realistic or not); and when these are unmet, she is not happy. Again, this is what I mean by a relational load. And for many men, this load is a strong motivation to avoid the real woman and engage porn.

Whether he feels inadequate to please his wife in the bedroom, or to please her in general, a man may find the porn-fueled, fantasy world of sex preferable to that of a relationship with a real woman. In marital situations, porn not only creates problems, it complicates other problems.

When a woman discovers that her husband is engaged with porn, she often feels very much like she would if she were to discover him cheating with a real person. And just as often, the man does not get this. Her hurt and anger seem excessive; after all, he was just looking at some pictures. Men and women tend to see this very differently. The man sees his looking at porn and an actual affair as miles apart. His wife tends to see the two experiences as almost next door neighbors.

Pornography not only damages intimacy, it also exacerbates already damaged intimacy. When intimacy is damaged in a marriage by any means (exhausting work schedules, arrival of a new baby, conflict between the couple), a man may be more tempted than usual to resort to pornography. He doesn’t feel close to his wife; perhaps he doesn’t want to be close to her because he feels disrespected; porn offers an easy alternative. With porn he doesn’t need to be close to her or anyone. When his pornography is discovered, the original cause of diminished intimacy in the relationship is often buried under a pile of pain and shame.

Sexual sin is especially addictive. To explain the addictive nature of pornography and other sexual sins, Dr. Patrick Carnes, another respected expert on sexual addictions, says that sex addictions are literally chemical addictions. In sexual addiction, one is simply addicted to the chemicals of his or her own body that are associated with sexual excitement. And sex is used for the same reasons illicit drugs are used. A person wants to change the way they feel; and they have found something that quickly does that for them.

As one’s capacity for fulfilling, intimate relationships decreases, the vulnerability to addictive behaviors increases. As people experience injury in relationships, the defense strategies they choose actually inhibit their capacity for intimacy. The walls created to protect from harm serve to isolate from intimate contact, too. Thus, it is not uncommon to encounter addictive disorders in the work of relational counseling. And it is not uncommon to see this addictive disorder (addiction to porn) in our counseling work.

What Pornography Can Teach Men About Having Great Sex, Orgasms and Making Her Sexually Satisfied

When you think about it, pornographic movies are a little ridiculous. The men are impossibly proportioned, the sex is entirely for the man’s benefit, and the man shows all the intimacy and emotional range of a sponge. In short, it is sex perfectly tailored to men! No surprises then that when we try it with our partners, the usual responses is negative… really negative.

While that might seem the end of it, most of us know (Either from personal experience or from watching the recent proliferation of sex tapes on the internet) that some people are having sex that would make any adult movie star proud. The question is: what are they doing that most guys aren’t?

Women and Porn-star Sex

Most women are willing to experiment with some elements of porn-star sex, they just don’t like the other elements. Unsurprisingly, women find a total lack of intimacy a huge turn-off: after all it could be anyone underneath your favorite star and he’d have sex exactly the same way! There is a key message for men everywhere: don’t ever think that your hips moving like a jackrabbit can ever replace basic intimacy!

Often in these movies, the guys act in a very dominant way. While this may seem like a bad thing to try in your sex life, in fact this is often something that guys forget: just make sure not to confuse being manly with being mean! It is okay to act dominant and in-control during sex, for many women it is a key part of the sex fantasy.

In porn everything is done for the man’s benefit, which is one of many reasons why women don’t usually like watching it. If you want to try these kind of acts in real life, they need to be about both of your pleasures. The cowgirl, for example, is mostly used to get some ‘good’ shots in movies, whereas in real life it is an excellent way to give her a G-spot orgasm. However not all sex acts that take place in porn are about her pleasure, so the question is how do things that seem entirely about the guy’s pleasure become something that she will want to do.

For Whose Pleasure?

That is where making sure that you have great sex is really important. Sex should always be able getting to the goal where you get pleasure from touching her and she gets pleasure from touching you. A good example of this is anal sex. A lot of guys just ‘stick it in’ hurting her (And possibly themselves!) in the act, however if done correctly so that you make sure that it is pleasurable to her throughout, anal sex should stimulate the erogenous zones in a different way to ‘regular sex’.

While there are better ways to learn than watching these kinds of movies, there are lessons to be learned. You should never consider going out of your way to repeat the sexual acrobatics of your favorite star, but there is nothing wrong with using some techniques in the right way.

Couples and Porn – To View or Not to View

We often get asked this question when working with couples as well as individuals. Pornography, now more commonly known as “porn”, has been around in various forms for thousands of years dating back to cave dweller paintings and well-endowed clay fertility statues.

On the positive side, we have found that pornography and erotica can enhance a couple’s sex life by getting them in the mood. In these all too busy stressful hectic times, couples often find themselves lacking the motivation to be intimate with one another and watching a few minutes of porn can set the ball in motion. Watching porn can revitalize things up when “sexy-time” starts to become routine. Couples often figure out what their partner enjoys and fall into predictable patterns. There is nothing like the excitement of not knowing what is going to happen next to spice things up. Viewing pornography can also give partners new ideas or permission to play out various fantasies. For those on the more inhibited side when it comes to discussing sex, it may be a way to teach you and your partner how to be a better lover or explore uncharted territories you find exciting. Sexsmartfilms.com, offers a wide variety of educational films on sex and intimacy. Additionally, for those with a more adventurous side Tristan Taormina’s web site, Pucker.com, also offers educational/instructional videos.

The downside of pornography is that with the emergence of the internet the face of pornography has drastically changed and continues to change at a rapid pace. What was just a few years ago considered “hardcore porn” is now labeled as “soft-core porn.” As pornography has gotten more and more hardcore it has little resemblance to what was once considered erotica. Porn increasingly intermingle angry, misogynistic, demeaning, and forced sex themes. This past year, New Sensations released a new line of pornography called “The Romance Series” which focuses on stories of sensuality, passion, romance, commitment and connection. The series is their best seller and one of the adult movies won the Feminist Porn Award this past year – “Yes, they have annual awards.” Other pornographic producers are following suit bringing the relationship and intimacy back to pornography.

One of the negative aspects of porn is that it often depicts unrealistic images of both men and women. The women are predominantly young, in great shape, and have often undergone plastic surgery. Women are also portrayed unrealistically in that they appear to be instantaneously aroused, orgasm quickly, easily and without any stimulation other than penetration. The men are well-endowed and have long-lasting erections. The end result may be that you, your partner or both of you may have unrealistic expectations about how you should look and perform sexually.

For some, another negative side effect is the possibility of addiction to pornography. Dopamine is often called the “reward” or “pleasure-giving” neurotransmitter and it is released when you are sexually excited. Additionally, endorphins are released when you orgasm giving you feelings of a peaceful, euphoric bliss. Over time neurons that fire together wire together creating neural maps in our brain that can link pornography, excitement and euphoric bliss together. This is the same area of your brain associated with other addictive behaviors. Additionally, for some viewers as the novelty wears off they become desensitized seeking higher and higher levels of stimulation for satisfaction which can lead to more graphic, aggressive, or fetishistic styles of sex as well as hours alone on the internet searching for that perfect combination.

Our word to the wise, proceed with caution. Know yourself, know your partner. If either one of you is prone to addictive behaviors or find yourself becoming more dependent on pornography as part of your sexual repertoire, you may want to ask yourself is it a prerequisite, a main course, or an occasional appetizer to spice things up?

Counter Attraction was founded by Lynn Valverde, MFT, and Leslie Davis, PsyD, in Los Angeles, California. Counter Attraction offers workshops and relationship counseling for couples. The goal of Counter Attraction is to help couples resolve relationship issues and re-kindle passion by teaching couples the skills they need to recognize where Counter Attraction exists in their relationship, how to attune to their partner through Couples Communication in ordered to come together and work through these difficult areas thereby promoting secure, resilient and successful relationships between partners. Our mission includes the ongoing expansion and refinement of the Counter Attraction model through implementation of the latest research in attachment, neuroscience, early trauma, and mindfulness.

When Love and Attraction turn to Counter Attraction. How is it that the traits we once loved, now infuriate us? How did we go from inseparable to incompatible? Counter Attraction is the driving force behind relationship conflict. Learn how to Re-connect and Re-kindle that lost Loving feeling. The Law of Counter Attraction asserts that the same ego-driven survival instincts in our brain that eventually doom 80% of all relationships to failure can actually be re-directed to create a more loving, lasting and fulfilling relationship than ever imagined, and offer unique opportunities to heal childhood wounds and insecurities.